From Amy

"You can be so cold that you can't get colder, so wet you can't become wetter. You can feel so deeply that you are saturated, numb but still intensely alert--beyond fear--as if living a memory. Beyond living, he thinks. Surviving".

(Excerpt from Jennifer Toth's, The Mole People: Life in the Tunnels Beneath New York City)

Sometimes, I miss silence. I often feel that the city creates a kind of pressure to keep moving. The lack of benches and public resting space reinforces this. Everyone is in a hurry. At the same time, the noise of the city is also comforting. Horns, sirens, radios, people, and even the sounds of a thousand different ring-tones remind us that we are not alone. The longer I am here, the more I seem to prefer the unpredictable sounds of the city. I can honestly admit that regardless of the length of my stay here in Manhattan, I don't think I will ever fully adjust to the signs of poverty. Almost everyday, I encounter someone that is obviously going through a hard time. I do not regret the fact that I see this. It would scare me if I didn't. I never want to become detached or numb to the pain of others. Of course, I have many moments of distraction just like everyone else. I also feel overwhelmed sometimes by the people I see begging for money or for help.

Following the participants of the Food-Stamp Fast has been an interesting experience. I've tried to count the number of times that I have experienced hunger. I can only remember a few times in my life when I was so hungry (physically) that I could not continue to bear it. I have never experienced intense hunger when eating, at some point, was not an option. Those of you on the Food-Stamp Fast have given up something important. I'm sure that you will appreciate a new sense of pleasure when you consider your food options after this journey. When I think about people in need, I often think about the things that I observe. I might see someone in the winter and wish that they had better shoes to protect their feet or maybe a warmer coat. I often think about the chilly weather here and wonder what it feels like to sleep in the doorway of a building, with only cardboard for protection.

Thinking about those of you that are fasting has made me more aware of hunger, which is often something that I don't "see" when I observe people in need. Maybe part of my avoidance is because it is painful. I cannot imagine the frustration of constantly being aware of food restrictions and limitations. No one wants to think about going to bed hungry but for many people it is a frequent concern. When I consider what it means to survive, having a reliable source of food seems essential.

I've been paying attention to my body and also thinking about my eating habits. Monday, I ate lunch because it was the time of day when everyone takes a lunch break. Several hours later, I realized that I had not really been hungry at all. I'm trying to make time to eat slowly so that I will actually enjoy and appreciate my food. Having choices when I shop for food and when I eat is something that I take for granted.

Thank you to each one of you for making a commitment to this journey. I'm proud of you and I hope you know that your efforts DO make a difference. Even though I could not participate along with you, I am with you in spirit. Keep up the good work and I will continue praying and sending positive thoughts your way. -Amy